1. Remember They Are Your Loved Ones, Not Employees
your inner circle passes Very In pursuit of his bridal bliss. They make room in their budget, their calendar, and their emotional bandwidth to support you. In most cases, they are happy to do it, but not when you abuse your (temporary) power over them.
“Getting married and planning a wedding entitles you to love, support, and celebration from loved ones—but not unwavering flattery, adaptation, or self-sacrifice,” says Landis Badger, LMHC, owner of Marriage-Focused Therapy Practice iTalkThey say.
Leah*, 28, is feeling “really taken advantage of” as maid of honor for her friend’s 2022 wedding. “At one point, I stopped getting a greeting or anything—the texts were literally the names of people on her shower invitation list, with expectations from me whether they RSVP’d or not,” she says. “After almost a year of this, I finally feel normal again in our friendship, although it’s strange to think that I may always look back on her marriage as a difficult time.”
2. Be careful about the budget
Before asking friends to be in your bridal party, help them determine if they can afford to attend by giving them context about what they can actually be expected to pay. . Are you having a destination bachelorette party, and is attendance mandatory? Should they budget for an expensive dress, or can they choose their own? Who’s Paying for Your Bridal Shower? And even if you have this conversation from the jump, don’t be surprised if budget concerns still come up—plans change and costs go up a bit.
3. Check the Vibe
If you have close friends from different chapters of life, the members of your bridal party may only have one thing in common: you. While it’s not your job to make sure everyone turns out to be the best, you Needed Make sure everyone is at least comfortable with each other. Minor squabbles happen even within close groups, but if a serious conflict does arise, you can’t let your friends fight for you just because you’re the ~bride~.
In 2022, Violet*, 26, performed her maid of honor duties alongside the bride’s matron of honor… who, for some reason, seemed to hate her. “He made vile comments about my clothes, my body, and my being single,” says Violet. The animosity became so intense, Violet reached out to the bride to make sure there was no underlying problem. “He told me I had nothing to worry about.” (Narrator: Actually, he had something to worry about.)
Because the bride didn’t smooth things over, Violet eventually expressed her regret for attending the wedding. “I cried a lot at this bridal party,” she says. “I didn’t think it was worth it for my mental health at the end of the day. It was very disappointing and it made me question the depth of my friendship with the bride.”
4. Chill Out With Essential Attire
I get it – you have a vision! But forcing a group of individuals to all wear the same thing (And pay for it) is a crazy move. Personal taste aside, your friends may have a hard time speaking up if the look you’ve chosen for them is too expensive or not something they feel confident in.
Instead, consider choosing your own ‘fit’ to get away with – or even more loosely, just a general aesthetic – with some guidelines and a color scheme for your bridal party. Not only is this trend incredibly chic, but it also ensures that your guys are wearing something they actually love at a price they can stomach. However, if you In fact If you have your heart set on a specific dress, go for it – just remember that if you can cover the cost, it will lessen the sting of making them wear a dress they secretly think is terrible. Is.
5. Don’t force your bridal party to pay for hair and makeup
If you need your bridal party to have their hair and/or makeup done by professionals on your big day, you should pay for it. full stop. This can count as your gift to thank them for supporting you during this time. TBH, this is far more useful than giving it to your friends. one more Monogrammed makeup bags or robes have the word “bridesmaid” stamped on them.
If paying for the glamor of your entire group puts a strain on your budget, consider making it an optional service (most people would jump at the chance to get the job done anyway).
6. Don’t Be a Jerk About Your Friends’ Bodies
If you want your bridal party to dress a certain way, make making them feel good a priority. Gemma*, 30, is at an upcoming wedding where she and another bridesmaid wear a size larger than the rest of the group — and she feels symbolic for it. “every step of the way, [the bride] It’s been like, ‘I checked [the other bridesmaid] And she’s okay with it, so I figured you would be too,” Gemma says, even though she and the other bridesmaids wear different sizes of dresses and have very different personal styles. are being bundled together for a decision, down to getting dressed in pyjamas. I’ve been given something ugly instead and given something on that and been told ‘the other big girl is cool. with this.'”
7. Keep Some Perspective
You may feel as though your marriage is the only thing that matters in the world. This.
Abigail,* a former maid of honor, recounts the consequences of missing her friend’s bridal shower in 2022 due to ill health. The decision was not well received. “The bride basically told me that her bridal shower and my health were of equal importance,” says Abigail. “It was a horrible experience to the point where the bride and I are no longer on speaking terms.”
Even in very low-stakes situations, it’s a little naive to expect your friends and family to always be available for every wedding event, emergency, or spontaneous brainstorming session. Yes, these are your people who are there to reach out, get opinions, and even help you with the wedding tasks, but they also have their own lives that don’t disappear just because you’re getting married.